


Hoisted by Their Own Petard

by Sara Generis (kanadka)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, International Relations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanadka/pseuds/Sara%20Generis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America gets a little torqued out of shape when he finds his own brother has spirited away his long-time crush, and enlists Estonia for revenge. It works about as well as this type of plan ever does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hoisted by Their Own Petard

**Author's Note:**

> Meant to put this on the kink-meme ages ago for a prompt, but then people started bitching about things like why in Estonia fics must Russia always be there and I got self-conscious and so just. never posted it on the meme. But I like this piece despite second-guessing, so, here it is.
> 
> The goal was mostly to be convincing about a super rare pair. So if, by the end of this, you're convinced of the pair's viability, I succeeded!

It all starts when America hears about their relationship through the grapevine. First he doesn't believe it. Then he sees them and he discovers it's true.

England tells him he had told him so. At least France looks sympathetic.

It doesn't matter. In his rage, America flips a table and shrieks. It takes some time before he calms down but once he has, he's reduced to feeling sorry for himself and sulking and pouting. But that doesn't change anything.

Stupid Canada his stupid brother is still stupid dating Lithuania. And it angers him because even though America had had his chance and fucked it up, he'd still kind of hoped maybe that someday he'd put things right and they could go back to 1929 before Russia stuck his big fat stupid nose in things and screwed it all up. It's all stupid Russia's fault, anyway! Except when it's Canada's. Stupid Canada!

France pulls him aside and says, "You know," in a soft voice, "I am almost certain Canada did not do this on purpose."

"I know," America says churlishly. That makes it worse, because stupid nice polite Canada whom everybody loves is still deserving of happiness, even if it's with Lithuania.

Stupid happy couple. Stupid perfect happy couple who deserve nice things!

"Cheer up, lad," England tells him, "there're plenty more fish in the sea."

And that's where it begins because it hits him and he realises, you know what, England's right. There are a lot of fish in the sea.

In his misery and his childish zeal for revenge he has an idea. A wonderful, brilliant, awful idea.

If Lithuania wants to go date my little brother, he figures, maybe I'll just go date _his!_

It can't fail, America thinks.

And then England reminds him that, one,they're not really brothers; two, taking Latvia out in public may get him arrested (only they know how old the little jerk really is); and three, there's no way Estonia will agree to something that ridiculous.

England is only right about two of the three.

\--

"You're sure you're cool with this?" America asks.

"Of course! You can't imagine how much this will annoy Russia, and I like annoying Russia. I'm very good at it," says Estonia sweetly with an unsettling grin. It's the kind of grin of someone who plots revenge from a distance. This may be recompense for something Russia did three years ago, or thirty. Or three hundred.

"And you're not angry I'm using you," he repeats, so that they're clear (that grin really is devilish).

Estonia shakes his head. When he does it, the strands of blond shimmer with gold in front of his eyes - Estonia could look real nice if it weren't for that hairstyle. "No more than I am using you," he shrugs. "If you find someone real, it's no hard feelings. If we wind up in bed, no hard feelings. We're both clear what this is. I don't think Lithuania will like it, but that's rather the point, isn't it? Besides, you helped me out when my blog was hacked. Consider this returning the favour."

Estonia has a lilting, lyrical way of speaking, America thinks, still oddly fixated on the _if we wind up in bed_ part. He nods. "Glad we agree," and they shake on it, Estonia's smooth palm warm and firm in his grasp.

\--

France, who isn't yet aware of his amazing and totally righteous plan, accidentally lets it slip that Lithuania and Canada are having dinner in one of his cafes on Saturday. America has just enough time to call Estonia and tells him to meet him there for eight.

He strolls in wearing jeans and a blazer over his t-shirt; Estonia shows him up by wearing a much classier business suit, like he's going to a meeting, or has come out of one. (Well, maybe he has. It's not like America knows his schedule or anything.)

America doesn't understand why the restaurant staff are so frosty to him until one of them tells him in clipped speech that the restaurant tends to be semi-formal and that he really should observe the dress code but America ignores them after that; he's a paying customer, and if Estonia is bothered by it, he doesn't say so.

Besides, this is a recce mission, not a date!

He spots Lithuania and Canada a few tables away before they spot him. Canada's smiling. Lithuania's laughing.

America pouts.

Estonia tilts his head and gives him a curious stare. "Was it what you were expecting?"

"Aw, I don't know _what_ I was expecting," America says glumly. He admits, "I guess I was kinda hoping they'd be less happy." Maybe if he draws their attention somehow, spoils their evening just a bit, enough to remind them that their happiness is selfish and spoils others'. "Maybe if we get them to come over here... but how?"

"Not the picture of subtlety, are you," Estonia muses. America is given no time to comment on his sarcasm before Estonia laughs, loudly and long, a bright ringing tone that makes him envision a peal of metal bells. It's a lovely, enchanting sound and it startles him into a surprised but genuine smile.

And it works. They look like a couple, one of whom has just told a really funny joke, and half the restaurant turns to investigate the disruption, Canada and Lithuania included.

"Nice job!" America says, and Estonia flips him another devilish grin. It makes America a little bit nervous and gives him a bellyful of flutters.

"Okay, pipe down - they're coming over," Estonia says quickly. "Act natural."

Giddy, America manages to keep it together when Lithuania and Canada join their table. Lithuania is his usual calm self, but unsmiling. America was hoping for upset and bothered, which is the entire reason behind his mock-dating Estonia in the first place.

Fortunately, his brother looks upset and bothered enough for the both of them. America feels a little bad about that before he remembers that his little brother's dating his man. "What are you _doing?_ " Canada demands.

"We're on a date!" he lies.

"A date," Canada says flatly.

"Yes! Going to movies is next, I think. Then maybe a walk in the park. Y'know. Date stuff." He gives Estonia a wide, toothy grin, which is acknowledged with a secret half-smile. Estonia has a really good poker face. America wonders if that's from being online all the time and having no social life off the internet.

"You're on a date. With him."

"C'mon, bro," America persuades, batting his eyelashes, "is it really so hard to imagine, a North American with a Baltic state?"

This appears to be the last straw for Canada, who rolls his eyes and grabs Lithuania by the arm, saying, "Okay, you know what, we can go somewhere else, eh? I'm so sorry my brother's an idiot -"

"No! Nonono, don't let us get in the way," America says. "Y'know, actually, why don't you join us?"

In a flash, America gets up, grabs the table next to theirs, and shoves them together.

"Uh, America," Lithuania says gently, his hand placed over Canada's which is nestled comfortably in the crook of his arm (at which America glares), "I really don't think this is the kind of place we should -"

"Nah, it's France! I mean if this were one of England's tea houses, maybe. But he's a total stick in the mud. Stick in the something anyway." America pats the table in a mockery of an inviting gesture.

Canada facepalms. Lithuania blushes.

Estonia, despite that remarkable poker face, fights giggles.

\--

Later, after Canada and Lithuania have left their table, and the restaurant, utterly mortified, Estonia says over dessert, "That went rather well."

"Really?" he asks in disbelief. "I think Canada's gonna kill me." Although screw Canada, who knew full well what America felt for Lithuania.

"Well, you know. Casualties of war and all that." Estonia looks up when he doesn't get a reply. "I'm joking! Only joking. I'm sure he'll forgive you before the sun burns out."

America snorts. "Great, yeah, thanks."

A pause.

"I like tea," Estonia says next. "You prefer coffee."

"Your point?" he replies.

"If I'm not mistaken, Canada likes tea too. Lithuania, less so, but he makes concessions about what he wants so readily ... yes, I suspect that if Lithuania wanted to avoid you again, but still go out with Canada, that'd be your best bet."

America sits bolt upright in his renewed interest. A tea-house, that's perfect! Man, his fake boyfriend is a _genius_. "You know when they'll be going?"

Estonia says wryly, "Somehow, after today, I doubt Lithuania will be willing to divulge any information to me."

"Oh." His heart sinks.

"Which means I get Latvia to fish it out and tell me later." America looks up to another one of Estonia's evil grins.

\--

Two tea-dates later (during which America makes an ass out of himself, to embarrass Canada and Lithuania, and Estonia lets him) their arrangement unexpectedly becomes less one-sided. Estonia is in the middle of saying something, halts mid-speech, and then continues along like nothing has happened.

But when he finishes his sentence, he reaches across the table to place his hand over America's. He offers politely, in a deep seductive purr, "Why don't we take a walk outside? It's a nice day."

It has been three not-dates, now, so America feels he's decently familiar with Estonia. From talking to him one on one (usually about nothing related to dating - Estonia generally talks his ear off about computers) to feigning affection (usually by holding his hand to try and make other people believe they're seeing each other).

Estonia turning up the charm (Estonia _has_ charm?!) up to eleven comes out of the blue. America is too shocked by the abrupt turn of conversation and distracted by Estonia's handsome face and voice, to figure out why.

Red-faced and suddenly so much more nervous than he was, America accompanies Estonia without protest to the patio of the tea house where they lean on the railing, looking out at the park. Estonia snuggles right up against him, fitting perfectly against his side. "Put your arm around my waist," Estonia instructs in a whisper. America gulps, and does.

"Firmer! I want to see folds of clothing where you hold me close. Act like I'm yours, like I'm a prize to be won," he growls. "And make it look good!" America does his best without question, feeling uncomfortably hot under the collar and totally lost, until he hears a familiar voice.

"Ah! Estonia! And - America. Well. This is a surprise."

Estonia turns, while still trapped in his arms, to face Russia, standing on the patio behind them. Russia looks perfectly normal and not at all in any way disturbed, but there is an element of distress in the air. America wonders if it's from Russia having a silent fit (because Russia looks so stoic with his bland polite smile, it's hard to tell), or from Estonia who presses himself against America's chest and whose bold confidence may not entirely be honest.

With the hand not in Russia's view, he reaches behind to the small of Estonia's back and runs it back and forth in an act he hopes is soothing, because what else do heroes do but protect the damsels in distress? Well... geeks in distress.

"Russia," Estonia says. "Whatever could _you_ be doing here."

"Enjoying time off. I see you do the same. I was not aware this was - like so, between you. For someone claiming to be the world's gossip, France does not do a good job."

Russia's eyes flit from Estonia to America and back again, appraising the situation. "I wonder how this happened," he says finally.

Before America tries a lie - they met, they liked each other, it's casual - which doesn't even look plausible anymore - Estonia curls his hand around America's upper arm possessively and sneers, "My business. Not yours."

"Hm. That is true enough. Well, I have an engagement. Not as publicly shameless as yours, but nevertheless important, in fact probably more, so I shall leave you to your excursion, if that is what we're calling it these days. I extend my heartfelt congratulations on finding someone careless enough to put up with your antics for more than a day, and to America, I extend my deepest sympathies." And with that, Russia gives them a bland smile and swoops away before anybody can steal the last word from him.

"Huh," America says, "that went - well? I think?"

"That was _perfect_ ," Estonia gasps in his ear, clutching America's chest to keep upright. He seems to suddenly realise how close they are and backs off. The second he steps back, America exhales the breath he held. It's uncomfortably cold, where Estonia had been, pressed against him, warm and firm, and he misses it already.

"But he didn't seem very disturbed," America notes. "Just a little pissy."

Estonia gapes, and sputters, "Not disturbed?! Were we speaking with the same Russia? Did you not see what I saw? I - I thought he was going to kill something! Well, n-not that he could really do anything - part of why I think he was so frustrated! No, he's not just pissed off, he- he is embarrassed, because he didn't even _know_ \- that makes him _irate_ \- and especially because it's you - I haven't seen him that mad since the time Lithuania burned dinner and Serbia told him it was as well, he needed a diet anyway!"

America tries not to laugh, but Estonia's elation is infectious. Whatever makes him happy, America figures. "Hey, I'm glad to be of service -"

Estonia cuts him off by grabbing him around the shoulders and pressing their bodies together in a tight squeeze. "Thank you!" he says. "It was perfect!"

"You're welcome," America says, a little dazed, and follows Estonia back to their table.

\--

Estonia sends him an email the following Monday.

 _There is a conference next month, for technology_ , it says. _I go every year. So does Russia. You will accompany me._

Oh, thinks America archly. Of course he'll go, but it would have been nice to be asked!

\--

Canada catches up with him later that week.

"Do we need to have a chat about this, brother dear?" he asks. And America doesn't need to read any atmosphere to know what this is about.

"No!" America says. "No we don't!"

As much as America would love to tell Canada what he thinks of him - stupid perfect wonderful Canada who everybody loves even though they don't always remember him but when they do it's fun and games and unlike when they remember America the belligerent instead of America the beautiful, America the hero, and Canada rubs that in his face sometimes and jokes and laughs an' that's mean, it's real mean, and America doesn't ever hurt Canada back for it, because America could seriously hurt his lil' bro and that is _not_ what heroes do, and Canada maybe doesn't even realise what he's saying, but for a nice guy, geez, Canada really makes him cry sometimes ...

... as much as he'd love to give Canada a real piece of his mind, he doesn't want it to turn into another three hour lecture about everything he does wrong, culminating in his tears.

Especially when he knows this time he kind of deserves it.

Canada is talking again. "- then I'll leave you with this: you know how my previous relationships have been, they've been stormy and difficult and - and -" he sighs. "And goddammit I wanted nice, and easy for a change!"

"Hey, _easy?_ " America begins. It sure as hell hadn't been easy for America, trying to tell Lithuania he'd had a thing for him way back when. In fact, it had been so difficult he never got around to it!

"We have chemistry, yes," Canada explains. "Maybe not as much as I had with Ukraine, but at least we don't fight with each other like Ukraine and I did! He's good to me and I can be good to him. And Kuma even likes him! Kuma hardly likes anybody! I'm finally happy and all you can think of is yourself. You're so selfish!"

America yells back, "If anyone's being selfish, it's you! You know how I felt about him, you knew exactly how I felt and you went and did this anyway!"

Canada rolls his eyes. "You weren't going to make any kind of move anytime soon."

"You don't know that," America mumbles.

"Maybe not, but did you expect him to just linger in bachelorhood forever, waiting for you, for you to buck up and apologise already?" Canada shakes his head and sighs. "Look, whatever is between you and him, or between me and him, or even this sick little competition you've created between us two - don't you think it's cruel to drag Estonia into it?"

"What're you implying?" America asks slowly, eyes narrowed.

"This, this unnecessary nonsense with him, eh? None of that has any place here!"

"Are you saying I'm dating him only to get back at you, that I don't have any feelings towards him at all?"

"Yes!" Canada exclaims. "That is exactly what I'm saying!! You obviously have this major hang up on Lithuania and it's enough that you hurt yourself - or him, or even me, but do you really need to hurt someone else? And of all people, Estonia - I don’t know what you had to do to twist his arm into this but they're better brothers than we are sometimes so I really hope it’s worth it to you for him to sacrifice that. Gosh, Estonia's never done anything to you to deserve this."

"I like him!" America interjects.

"Oh, you do not," Canada scoffs, "you're only using him."

"I _do_ like him!" America lies. "Maybe I like him more than I liked Lithuania. Maybe a lot more. Maybe that's why I did something about it for a change. Maybe you should think about that!"

"Don't be ridiculous, you've never even talked to him before now -"

America interrupts him with, "Y'know what, lil' bro, I am five hundred percent done here, talking to you," and he walks out of the room before Canada can hit the nail any more firmly on the head and ask something like, _say, if you're so into Estonia, then why do you keep following us on your dates?_

But Canada's words hold weight - they always have, stupid smart Canada is annoyingly insightful and awfully convincing without resorting to arms. So later that day, America reminds Estonia (in case it isn't clear!), as they're preparing for a movie date that Lithuania and Canada are rumoured to be attending, "If you ever wanna stop, at any point, we can. You know that, right?"

"I don't want to stop," Estonia says bluntly, adjusting his shirt cuffs through the sleeve of his sweater.

"And I wouldn't - wait, what?"

"My 'boyfriend' is arguably the most powerful country in the world," Estonia explains. "Why would I want to stop?"

That may be so, but... "Yeah, but it's - it's fake - you deserve more."

Canada was right about that. Estonia has never done anything to him. And he is close to Lithuania - all three Baltics are close, brothers or not - and America may have driven a wedge between them for what, for his own grudge holding? The more America thinks about it, the more the guilt about screwing over Estonia - lanky, sweetly geeky Estonia - catches up with him. He hadn't thought it through too carefully. Brilliant hero plan or not, it might be a dick move to Estonia.

But Estonia just laughs a short bitter bark of a laugh. "Says who? I stopped deluding myself years ago. Nobody's ever dated me for any other reason than power. Ever. There's no real reason that should change. I'm used to it. Some people are attractive, some people are nice, _those_ people get real relationships. But as a person, I'm vindictive, petty, bitter, sarcastic and too often depressed. And if you think you hold grudges you've never seen me do it."

"Geez, I didn't -"

"I'm used to it!" Estonia snaps, suddenly angry. "It _doesn't_ matter! You give me companionship and camaraderie and, and that's exactly what you promised me, no more no less. At no point have you left obligations unfulfilled, I don't find any part of this relationship with you lacking in any way shape or form and I am perfectly okay with all of this! Now, are we going to that movie or not?"

Well...

If he said he's okay, America thinks, then he's okay.

He must be, right?

Estonia has no reason to lie to him about that.

So Canada can go suck eggs!

But it still leaves him unhappy, and he thinks about that for awhile in the movie theatre, curled up next to Estonia, their arms linked on the one armrest and their fingers intertwined in a superficial depiction of affection (is it? America won't deny he enjoys plain old physical contact), a few rows behind Canada and Lithuania, where America realises ...

He really wants that reaction not from his brother, but from Lithuania. He wants _Lithuania_ angry. Canada, well! Canada gets angry at him at the drop of a hat! What's the sport in that?

But soft-spoken, super tolerant, passive Lithuania, who never, ever gets angry and keeps it all in - that's what he wants!

And Lithuania, the nerve of him, keeps being sweet and kind and understanding and not at all upset about anything!

"America," Estonia whispers. "If you're going to hold my hand I insist on it being loosely enough for blood to continue flowing to it."

"Oh," America replies, "uh, sorry." He relaxes his grip. Estonia snatches his fingers away and, massaging them, holds them close to his chest with a pointed glare before he lets America have them back.

\--

The conference, America finds, is held in a large building on a university campus. Most of the talks take place in a hall right next to a river, which judging from the pictures in the pamphlet Estonia sends him, is real pretty to look at.

It's very romantic, so for the first day, America plans a sham-picnic for his sham-date with his sham-boyfriend. (But with real food.)

Sometimes he thinks about how it's not really helping him any, to dwell on his non-existent and purely-political relationship with Lithuania like this. He's only stagnating the grief process.

But there is still a large part of him that is hurt and annoyed, and he admits to enjoying the silver lining, too. Estonia had a point: now they each had someone to hang out with, to go out with. No more going to restaurants alone. Hey, that's something. America for certain won't look that gift horse in the mouth. In fact, America may be the strongest in the world, but in his experience that correlates more to allies, not flocks of friends who genuinely like him.

Not like Canada has.

Stupid Canada, everybody loves him.

Even Lithuania!

Anyway, Estonia explains him the terms when he meets America at the airport. The conference is three days long, during which America is told that he will be mostly left to his own devices and Estonia to his, with the famous exception being post-conference banquets (to which America is not technically invited, but Estonia has been permitted a plus one to the banquets on the grounds of being a regular conference-goer).

And, to keep up appearances, sleeping in the double bedroom they are sharing.

Estonia is the one who tells him this, so America only thinks he is familiar with the concept of a double bedroom. He thinks it means a bedroom with two beds and so enthusiastically agrees.

It does not mean this.

It does not mean this at all.

It means one bedroom, with one _double_ bed.

That they are going to share.

Which he finds out when he returns to the hotel after having parked their rental car while Estonia takes care of checking in.

Estonia obviously is completely unperturbed by this because his back is turned to the door and he's on his laptop at the desk, typing away furiously. "Oh hey," he calls when America closes the door behind him. But besides the clickety-clackety of keys he doesn't turn or move or actually acknowledge America's presence in any way.

This is ... sort of a good thing, because all the blood has drained completely out of America's face and he can't breathe.

Sure, he once roomed with Japan, but that was nothing like this. And okay, he might've wormed his way into sleeping with Lithuania, but only with the excuse of a scary movie (well, it _was_ scary, he hadn't made that up), and even then he had felt nervous, but this, there's no _real_ reason for, and -

The bed _is looking at him_.

"Put your things wherever you want, I'm not picky," Estonia continues, and America's brief moment of panic turns into a much longer one.

The bed _is grinning at him_.

"I'm just - just gonna go take a shower," he manages in a strangled voice.

"Knock yourself out," Estonia replies, barely paying any attention. At once, America thinks, bless Estonia's tunnel vision for missing out on this ridiculous reaction; and also, would it kill him to notice his sham-boyfriend's complete and total freakout over here?

America takes the longest shower he's ever taken in his life. By the time he comes out, he's a prune and Estonia is _still_ on the laptop. "How's the shower?" he asks, again not looking at America.

 _I was naked not ten feet from you_ , he thinks, his blood pounding in his ears. America is dressed now, but it was half an hour of him being naked and only separated by ten feet and a door and he was naked and wet and - and why was that weird? He lost count of the number of times he'd walked in on Japan in the bath.

America sits heavily on the bed that he will be sleeping with Estonia in. It's nothing! Estonia obviously doesn't think it's anything! And he did this with Lithuania, too!

Although, that had been one of the catalysts for his infatuation with Lithuania - and he didn't deny Lithuania was handsome back then anymore than he can deny the same of Estonia now -

"Nice," he says quietly. "It's, uh. Good water flow. Pressure's good. Gets hot fast." Gets _really_ hot fast.

Estonia grunts a non-committal reply and returns to his work. America, for his part, flops down on the bed, face up, and grounds himself by focusing on the ceiling until the room stops spinning.

\--

America is much less enchanted with the prospect of sleeping with Estonia the next morning, when he finds out that Estonia is a cover thief.

...An adorable, blond, long-lashed, entirely-too-elfin-with-that-nose-and-those-perfect-little-ears-that-America's-never-noticed-before-until-now-because-Estonia's-always-wearing-glasses, and-America-should-not-be-watching-him-sleep-that's-creepy cover thief, yes, but a cover thief and this means war so he steals them back for the twenty minutes he gets between waking up cold and Estonia's alarm going off.

The hotel comes with complimentary breakfast, which America tucks into with proper enthusiasm. Estonia has a lighter meal of yoghurt and berries and complains about the quality of the dairy, and America mostly nods here and there to show he's listening while still cramming food into his face.

"So I'll meet you back here at three?" Estonia says.

Oh, right. That afternoon picnic he'd planned. That... romantic picnic with his boyfriend. Who he is not supposed to be attracted to.

"Mmmf," America replies around a mouthful of bacon. Estonia snorts and polishes off his coffee, his long fingers wrapped around the mug and dammit, America sincerely wishes he were not so hyperaware of these things.

\--

The picnic is nice because evidently Estonia doesn't mind talking while America eats, which America is unashamed to admit to himself is his primary coping strategy for awkward situations when he's completely lost as to how to feel. Estonia is also far too busy going on and on about the conference in a mad rush of excited technobabble.

Estonia is radiant when he's excited. How did America miss that?

"- but the keynote speaker made a few good points between all his buzzwords, such as... America, are you even listening to me?"

The sunlight reflected from the water catches his bangs and he nearly glows, like how his eyes are bright green alit like a Christmas tree - sandwiches! tasty sandwiches! Focus all your attention on the sandwiches!

America swallows. "Sorry," he says, "I'm inhaling this, aren't I? Haha, I oughta slow down and leave some for you!"

Estonia looks at the food for probably the first time since they sat down, as though only now realising it's there.

"Go on," America prompts, "what were you saying?"

Estonia continues on as before - but a little more slowly, between hesitant bites of sandwich - and America listens this time. Moreover, America likes what he hears. He isn't completely out of the loop - some of his guys are here, mining for new technologies to bring back and tell him what kind of awesome gadgets can be made of the fruits of research. If he pays close enough attention and doesn't let his mind wander, he finds he follows pretty readily, even through all the jargon.

"- which I hope to address myself tomorrow morning."

"Wait, you're giving a talk?"

Estonia rolls his eyes. "I'm giving two talks! What is it you think I was working on late at night, keeping all the lights on? It must have been very difficult for you to sleep -" It wasn't, in fact. America hadn't noticed a thing and had drifted off completely until Estonia crawled into bed beside him - what luck he was too sleepy to freak out or he'd've never gotten any shut-eye! "- anyway, yes. One of them is a presentation of the NATO cyber defence centre's latest report, and the other is realistic environmental conditions in flight simulators. I'm interested in how a computer manages to separate external spatial cues from relevant ones. And there's this panel on recent open-source technologies I'm moderating, everything from Linux breaking into the smartphone market to the developer preview of this operating system I've had my eye on -"

"That sounds incredible," America replies honestly. "When are your talks? I wanna go!"

Estonia stops speaking so abruptly America wonders if he's accidentally said something stupid. "R-really?" he asks in a small voice. "You don't have to."

"But I want to," America insists, "I want to go to all of them," and Estonia's smile grows wider. "I mean, there's nothing to do all alone back at the hotel without you, and I can only wander around in the exhibition hall so often before I've seen everybody's demo models four times. Besides, it all sounds really neat! Like I remember helping you with that hacking thing a few years back - say, did I ever tell you about Stuxnet? And my Darpa guys're always going on about stuff I need to be looking more closely at, and, hah, y'know, really, you had me at flight simulators! 'Cause you know me an' planes and I - _mmph-_ "

America cuts off because Estonia has pushed him onto his back on the picnic blanket. Estonia is on top of him, their lips sealed together, his eyes shut tight. America makes the mistake of gasping and Estonia takes that opportunity to kiss him more deeply and slips his tongue past America's lips.

It's like someone's shut off his brain and all he can think of is the feeling of Estonia's mouth on his, their tongues touching. America stifles a groan, tilts his head and wraps his arms around Estonia's shoulders to clutch him so close their glasses clack together.

He gives up pretending this is a game when his heart leaps for joy, racing in his chest, as Estonia cups his cheek and makes this needy humming sound in his mouth. Gosh, they should've done this days ago, if only he'd known how much it meant to Estonia to have his genius recognised he would have said something earlier -

"You two again," says a cold Russian voice.

Estonia breaks off the kiss to whisper in his ear, "I'm sorry, that was - but please, play along!"

An ice-cold shock permeates him and his heart sinks.

\--

America first looks for 'Estonia' before he realises that the likelihood Estonia would speak under that name is slim to nil. But he never gave America a pseudonym so America gets inventive with his detective skills. Not hard to figure out. There are only so many people giving two talks _and_ moderating a panel discussion, and only one of those is talking about cyber defence.

'Eduard' suits him. Even if that's not a name that's permanent (none of them ever are, for them). He smiles and mouths the word as he reads it in his head. Stately, old-fashioned.

America tries to get there early enough to get a good seat but to no avail, the place packs up like mad, and he realises why once Estonia takes the podium - he's a young-looking, _good_ -looking, supposedly-seventeen, already-a-university-graduate, boy genius hacker. Like something out of the movies. He feels initially self-satisfied and immensely proud of his boyfriend. And then he remembers that Estonia is not really his boyfriend.

But he supposes that doesn't mean he can't still be proud of him. They are all so busy and yet Estonia still finds time for all this! It must be a real passion for him, and America can grok that. He walks away from both talks reminding himself to talk to his people about beefing up firewalls and the robot revolution, which he's convinced is a sure thing.

During coffee-and-pastries break he hopes to talk to Estonia about it more, but Estonia's swamped with questions from others. So America remains at the side, content to chat up one of his Darpa buddies instead, until Estonia catches his eye and waves.

Suddenly the circle parts for him. America takes position at Estonia's hip as Estonia introduces them - "My better half," Estonia chirps, a little cheesily. America does the rest with a firm handshake to those closest, introducing himself with a grin and "Alfred", which, judging by the raised eyebrows, is as much news to Estonia as Eduard was to him.

Estonia loops an arm around his waist to tug him closer. It feels so right and natural like this. They've gotten so much better at acting! His buddies - who didn't know he was seeing anybody, let alone a guy - raise an eyebrow but nobody says anything.

They are happily discussing the NATO report until a shadow looms overhead. Russia is standing on the outskirts of the circle. With reluctance, America leaves Estonia for the moment to make his way over.

"I was wanting a word with our friend in the glasses, please," Russia says to him with a smile, careful not to use their real names aloud. America wonders if Russia even knows Estonia's name.

"Gee," America returns, "y'know, that could really be anyone at a tech conference." And he moves enough to block Estonia from Russia's view.

Russia doesn't take the bait. "You know who I refer to," he replies. He stands on tiptoes to try and see over America, dodging America's head in his line of sight. America mirrors his motions. "Move!" America doesn't budge.

"Say, maybe there's something I can -"

"I don't want to talk to _you!_ " Russia interrupts. "Stand aside and let me speak with him." When America doesn't, Russia folds his arms. " _Please_ ," he adds reluctantly.

"My boyfriend's kinda busy," says America, as Estonia behind him fields questions about worms and viruses. "So why don't you try and catch him later." Yeah, right! Later, when America will also be there, waiting, to put himself right between Estonia and Russia once more like a human shield. Hah!

Russia harrumphs, feathers thoroughly ruffled, and grumbles, "You are only proving my point anyway!" Then the big hulk lumbers off with a pout.

America sidles back up to Estonia once Russia has left, the crowd parting much more easily for him. Estonia takes his hand and, between fielding questions, murmurs privately in his ear - their little secret - "I don't know what you said to him, but I like it."

America squeezes his hand briefly in reply and resists the temptation to kiss his cheek.

\--

They're on their own for dinner on the second day, so they head to a nice place uptown from the conference hall where there will be fewer conference goers. America wears a nice shirt and tie this time; Estonia is his usual classy self, of course, since he's come straight from the panel discussion.

Moodlighting, a darker atmosphere. What would France do? America's tempted to suggest wine with dinner but isn't sure Estonia's ID is old enough for the local laws. (He's never seen Estonia drink anyway; for all he knows maybe Estonia doesn't.)

As datelike as it has become - he cannot deny how attractive anybody is in lowlighting and that includes computer geeks, oh god does it ever include computer geeks, who by all rights shouldn't be as sexy as they are - America manages not to let his nerves dictate the evening by distracting himself completely with food (real good food, too!) and instead they chat about the day's business. They discuss Estonia's talks, the panelists, a few other speakers that America elected not to listen in on. Estonia makes them sound so interesting he regrets not having gone.

When America tells Estonia what happened between him and Russia during the coffee break, Estonia laughs and grins so merrily that America feels like he's won the lottery. "So I did good?" he asks.

"Couldn't've done it better myself," Estonia replies, and with some hesitation reaches across the table. "Partners in crime, or at least annoyance," he murmurs, and shyly places his hand over America's where it rests next to his cutlery. "Thank you."

America looks at their joined hands. He watches Estonia's soft fingertips trace little figure-eights around his knuckles. He clears his throat in an effort to make the shivers dancing down his arms go away, and says, "Aw I'm sorry, I thought I took us far enough uptown to avoid Russia intruding on dinner." He can't see Russia from where he's sitting, of course, but he assumes Estonia has already sensed his presence. Why else would Estonia be acting like this?

Estonia blinks, and then blushes. "Ah... just making sure," he says, leaning back and putting both his hands back in his lap. "Anyway, that old fellow who spoke on privacy on cloud storage..."

They don't stop talking until they're in bed. They continue until it's almost two am and they'll need to wake up in less than five hours but America can't quit his motor mouth.

Estonia looks far more tired than he is, overwhelmed by so much public speaking, and actually dozes off mid-sentence, curled up in a little ball, his cheek pressed against his forearms.

So America watches him, a goofy grin plastered on his face that he doesn't have to hide with Estonia out like a light, until the excitement of the day wears off him as well and his eyelids slowly droop closed, with Estonia's peaceful resting face the last thing he sees before he sleeps.

\--

It's well after they both return from the conference that Lithuania tracks him down.

 _Finally!_ America grins and his satisfaction probably makes him look more smug than he wanted to, when this had played out in his mind, but he doesn't care. Let him be smug. That's what you get when you mess with America's feelings! This is gonna be _good_ , he thinks with glee.

Lithuania takes him aside and begins, "I am going to make this quick because your brother's waiting for me and I don't want to talk to you any longer than I have to. You've been a pill this past month and that's upsetting enough. But I don't care what you do to me. When you start messing with the people I love, that's when I get angry." And Lithuania _looks_ angry. His green eyes are narrowed and hard and his jaw is firm set with his lips pressed together tight.

It makes America smirk. "Oh, what," he says, ready to milk this for all it's worth, "the whole, 'you wouldn't like me when I'm angry' act? Y'know, your bro makes a way better Bruce Banner." Sexier, too.

Lithuania actually puts a hand on his shoulder and shoves, pushing him into the wall. (It only works because it catches him off-guard!) "Don't start," he growls. "Remember that I used to be a great power - don't tempt me."

"Used to," America sneers. " _Used_ to!"

Lithuania comes closer still and gets in his face. It's something America would've craved, once, although back then, he had hoped for something less angry and more loving. "Russia pulled me aside to talk to me. You know how much I like talking to Russia! He says you and Estonia are pretty cozy."

"Yeah, well, if Russia isn't happy about that that's his own problem -"

"It becomes my problem when you're using my brother to get at me! It becomes _Russia's_ problem when you're using his next-door neighbour to get easy access to technology conferences for your crazy plans and ideas! - America, I will ask you this frankly, are you going to start a war?"

"A - _what?_ Of course not, that's ridiculous!" America says. "How did he get that? Russia's blowing this way out of proportion!"

"Is he? Let's consider how it looks. All of a sudden you're dating, out of nowhere. You go with him to this conference. You _attend his talks_ and then you’re seen discussing things with your military friends at coffee breaks. You insert yourself to block any interaction between him and Russia. You latched yourself on and piggybacked a way into a defence conference -"

"It wasn't about defence!" America spits back. "Okay, well, it wasn't only about defence. It's supposed to be about technology and research a-and y'know my people have plenty of know-how where that's concerned! Besides, Estonia's got some great ideas! An' I was thinking like a joint project between boyfriends, maybe we could build a robot or I might finance someth-"

"Don't even dare," Lithuania warns. "Do you have any idea how that'll look to Russia? After everything I just said - haven't you been listening? That's three different conflicts of interest right there! You would be goading Russia into aggression through Estonia, and do you know what that's been like in the past?"

Which, when America stops to think about it, is a good point. And he doesn't want to do that. Estonia had only wanted to piss Russia off, not pick a fight. (Even if America would be only too happy to rescue him from any danger and this is Russia being crazy paranoid.)

"Okay, so no financing," America agrees. Lithuania waits impatiently, tapping a foot. "And no robots," he adds with a pout. "But I'm not going to stop seeing him!"

"You're damned right you're not," Lithuania grumbles.

"Because ours is a love - wait, what?"

"To quit after all this would only prove Russia correct! Besides, Estonia likes you. Don't ask me why, because you're immature and you resort to silly plots when you don't get your way - did you really think you were fooling your brother or me with any of this -"

Estonia ... likes him? America finds he's too shocked to come up with a decent retort. Estonia likes him.

"- but he likes you. So keep it that way and make him happy and don't break up with him until Russia's gone back to ignoring him and for God's sake don't screw it up with something dumb. If you make him cry believe me when I say I will make you _pay_ , and so help me God if I find you've used your strength against him."

"How do you know?" he asks meekly, his mouth unbearably dry. He's not listening to Lithuania bash his character, he doesn't even care about that anymore. "How do you know he likes me? Did he say?" America has to know!

Lithuania glares. "Everything I just said and that’s all you heard? You can't expect that after all this time, I don't know how to read him. We don't have to be real brothers for _that_ ," and Lithuania stalks off without another word, thus concluding the strangest shotgun talk America's ever had.

But!

Estonia likes him!

\--

America arrives early to pick Estonia up for another of their not-dates but Estonia answers the door with a grave face. He invites America inside and waits until the door is closed before he says, "I think we should stop this business."

Stop?! It's like he's been kicked in the gut. "Why? Did I do anything? Whatever it is, I'm sorry!"

"No, it's not you, it's Lithuania," Estonia explains. "Well. More appropriately, it isn't him either. Canada told me Russia pulled him aside - Lithuania, I mean - and I can't have that. It's one thing if _I_ annoy Russia, that's just funny, but he shouldn't even be talking to Lithuania if it's about something that doesn't involve him! Unless it's work, he should leave Lithuania alone! And then I heard Lithuania went to see you and it got worse and - well, whatever he told you, d-don't believe it! I didn't really think he'd - perhaps he took things entirely incorrectly and he's assumed - I hope he didn't do anything silly like threaten you over something like my honour, w-what nonsense! And this has gone far enough because I don't even think they're buying it anymore. So the game is up. At least, it's been nice! And we had some fun, right? And it was a funny joke while it lasted - or maybe I have a damned strange sense of humour - anyway. You needn't bother with this any longer, I can pick on Russia myself, more directly so it doesn't involve others, like I told you I'm very good at that, and I don't need your help, so. We should simply. End this. I'm sorry to have wasted your time on nothing."

It's possible Lithuania was wrong about Estonia's feelings - possible but highly unlikely - and it's also possible Lithuania told him a lie on purpose to embarrass him like America's been embarrassing Lithuania (America would certainly deserve it) but that would embarrass Estonia too. Also highly unlikely.

"Well, say something!" Estonia demands. "Don't just look at me like that."

Besides, he realises - at no point through this strange monologue does Estonia hold eye contact for more than a second, or pause for breath, and when he's calm he doesn't gesture with his hands all that much whereas this was like practically sign language, and America is in a way reminded of people like England when their nerves make them say one thing and mean another.

"You said once ... people who're nice and attractive get real relationships," America starts. Estonia frowns like he's not sure where he's taking this. Neither is America, honestly. "I think you're wrong. People who're nice and attractive stay alone all the time. I think I'm looking at one of them right now."

Estonia groans. "Stop, please, America, I really don't -"

"Take compliments well? Yeah, I noticed." America shuffles his feet, toeing the welcome mat to give himself something to do as he thinks. Finally he gives up and blurts out his confession. "Well look, maybe I'm no picnic either," he says at last. "When things don't go my way I do some pretty stupid things, don't I? Get some crazy ideas. And I'm kinda oblivious and not because I think it's unimportant, I just - miss stuff, y'know?"

"I gathered," Estonia says wryly.

"Like the Russia thing - I didn't even think he could take it that way; gosh, does he ever think of anything non-aggressive? But I really do like you, even if you say you're vindictive and sarcastic and sometimes depressed, I really like you anyway. I like you for you. I think we got a lot in common and I like to talk to you. I - I think you're handsome. And I realised that all that has nothing to do with this crazy get-back-at-my-brother plot."

Estonia's stopped talking now. He's blushing, and it makes him look younger than he appears. "But Canada and Lithuania -"

"Probably aren't going to last a year," America finishes. "And even if they do, it's not worth my time, effort, or my relationships." He reaches across and takes one of Estonia's hands in his. "If I have any."

Estonia swallows and can't meet his eyes.

"I know I've already wasted a bunch of your time with this, but... do you want to try it for real?"

Estonia stares at the floor when he admits quietly, "Russia still won't like it."

"Russia can take his big fat nose out of our business. Ignoring Russia -"

"No," Estonia says sadly, "you _can't_ ignore Russia, when you live right next to him, you really can't. I've tried. We've all tried." And America supposes that's true, because Canada can't ignore his brother either, much as he'd like to sometimes. But America and Canada are lucky to have each other; great powers don't always make great neighbours.

"Then can I at least offer a pleasant distraction?" America asks.

"I - oh," Estonia replies. If it's anything that propels him forward it's the look of desperate loneliness in Estonia's eyes. "Yes, you - _yes_. I'd like that."

This time there is nobody to watch them, nobody to put a show on for and nobody to convince, and when Estonia kisses him he leans into America's body with his arms wrapped around, one around his waist to the small of his back, and one on his upper arm, to hold him close.

When they break apart, America asks, "Dinner?"

The smile Estonia gives him is nervous and uncertain, like he doesn't use it often, but he says warmly, "There's a great place I know just down the road," and when America tells him to lead the way, Estonia takes him by the hand.


End file.
